Spoiler alert - I think I like her.
So in my last psychiatric med check in , the nurse practitioner was like maybe don’t wean off the zoloft yet and let’s add some therapy to the mix.
I’ve been going to therapist off and on since I was a teenager. My first therapist was an older Jewish lady named Zelda who was rooted in gestalt. Then I had a loooong break without therapy until right before my abusive relationship ended. I met with her for months plotting how I was going to leave him but eventually I ghosted her because I felt like she wasn’t holding me accountable to actually leaving him. She felt too young and white too.
Then once my abusive ex left me - the irony- and covid hit at the same time - not only did I start therapy again, that’s when I started zoloft and honestly, both saved my life and made me functional through post traumatic stress and the constant very present threat of a pandemic.
But then my therapist quit me. Actually she took off to take care of her own health and I tried two or three other therapist since then and it never gelled. So for a while it was my - my anxiety/depression - free balling it in the world - ok well with zoloft and for a while it was great.
or at least bearable until it wasn’t again because you know genocide, relapses, infidelity and burnout teasing me. I wasn’t having the panic attacks I did during the height of the pandemic but I could feel the tiredness and the anxiety behind my eyes, just under my skin.
Most therapy- at least that my insurance will pay for- isn’t in person anymore and that kind of bugs me. I like the intimacy - I want the therapist to read my body language but alas zoom therapy it is and I researched and made an appointment.
Our first session went well- I cried - she gave me homework and she understands spanglish. I already completed one of my homework assignments (i’ve always been an a student ).
PS - if you are in Cali like me - our primary is Tuesday and voting is a weak ass tool and electoral politics are whack (even if I am thinking of starting a c4) but you should do it any way- even as a protest against how our tax dollars and even our most progressive politicians are stanning for a genocide. And no my dog didn’t vote but I wasn’t gonna wear the sticker after I mailed my ballot - if you can- do it. And then use some heavier tools :)