Sabbatical Jr. Notes
Preparing for unplugging from work/work imbalance
May was a trial run. A test of my own will and that of the leadership team at the org I have been at for 13 years, 12 as Executive Director. Sabbatical Jr., as I coined my birthday month, was the month I was supposed to step back from all external functions and focus on tightening up protocols and operations. This meant the nonstop pings on my work phone quieted some as I took myself off signal chats tracking migra sightings across Los Angeles. Sabbatical Jr. presented us with collective challenges. There was a relatively new funder that we were working to deepen our relationship with through an 18-month program that started in May. This meant a three-day retreat/meeting away from LA. We were also in the middle of Los Angeles City Budget Season and were advocating for more funding for the day labor centers we operate. Every year for the last 13 years has been hard, but last year, with over a dozen raids at our centers collocated with a big box hardware demon – I mean store- meant hundreds of people taken- including two staff members. It meant shared trauma of facing the United States government and agents under them pointing assault weapons at us and threatening us with tear gas canisters. The least the city should do, we argued, was show us that they cared about the day laborer community by providing the financial resources needed to respond. This meant sabbatical jr. spent talking to and with local politicians. Not very relaxing but something I am very good at so I leaned the fuck in.
This “breaking” of Sabbatical Jr. rules wasn’t a failure though. It was an opportunity for others to gain a greater sense of just how much work, so much of it invisible, it is to be an Executive Director of a non-profit serving Jornaleros and Household workers. It gave baby steps for people to take while I was still accessible so that questions could be asked about tasks and decisions that I take on every day, often quite automatically. It also shone a light on where I was the brightest – what are the unique skills and talents I bring and what are the things that really anyone can do, even is yes it’s not how I would do it and boy did it show that sometimes that way I do isn’t the best. For example, I must own up to, as much as it makes me uncomfortable to name it aloud, that I am a good public speaker, a good distiller of information, and make connections with people easily. I’m an ambivert that presents as 1 million percent extrovert and that’s because I really bring the full weight of my Taurus Sun, Virgo rising, NYRican eldest daughter energy everywhere. I don’t care how many letters you have in front or after your name, of how much money you may give the org or what position you hold. The main difference is probably how many times I say fuck and if I’m wearing a full face of makeup. But I do too much. I know that’s not supposed to be a bad thing, but it is. I act as a go between way too often when people should really figure it out for themselves and not to be a boss, (but I am one – let’s be real people) I should be making people figure some shit out because it’s literally their job and it’s going to help them grow – even if it hurts a little. I step in too quickly. Take on more than I should physically, emotionally, programmatically, politically, etc. etc. No wonder I’m so damn tired. And I’m only talking about my paid/organizing/npic work here. I’m not even talking about all the shit I handle at home…. that’s for later.
In May I returned to yoga regularly so that I could return to my body, remembering to stop if it hurts. Drink water. Eat meals. Use the bathroom. All of these were things that, especially this last year, I stopped doing. I pushed through because I thought that was what was required of me in the moment. I started a new journal. I bought a set of watercolors and painted badly but I started to realize how many shades of green existed in one leaf. I thought I would return here , to the public page but I didn’t. My mind was still consumed with doing as much as I could before I was gone for real and of course the last few days of May presented with small crisis after small crisis, like immigration court as the current regime now floods an already crumbling system with person after person, lawyer or no lawyer making it easier to kidnap people even as they are “following the law”.
But I am here now. Maybe I’ll write at least once a week. That’s a gentle goal I’m setting for myself. I wanted to start with what I learned before the real sabbatical started. I’m aiming to share what I am learning as I really reset. Already there has been a lot! And some of it is really shitty and hard and today is only day 6.
glad to read along! and excited to see you at the end of the month, I think you said! :)