When I first started going to marches and rallies as a teenager and then moved onto organizing and doing security for them as a young adult my mother was, understandably suspicious. She would show up at planning meetings and stare down my mentor for signs that I had actually joined some sort of cult.
Once she recognized that I was not following some charismatic leader into a commune, she shifted her concern to if I was going to get arrested or beat up by the cops. She knew that the rallies I was a part of were disruptive. We shut down streets when another Black/Brown life was stolen by a blue gun. City Hall Christmas Tree lightings and Town Halls were broken up and Giuliani was mayor. When I told her I was willingly and purposely getting arrested , my mento had to assure her that there were lawyers in place and people to wait for my release- that I wasn’t going to rot away. What a privilege. What an honor.
My children started going to rallies in utero - maybe that’s why they avoid them now- but mother always worried about them - would they get accidentally stepped on or not so accidentally injured. My elder child’s first full sentence was “no justice , no peace” - she born after a march across the Brooklyn Bridge for Abner Louima. Such worries seem so small considering what is happening to children in Gaza at this moment.
Speaking to my mother after she got over the shock of rare earthquake in NYC, she told me how she was going to a rally. She had gone before to some - none with me - but after the 2016 election she felt compelled and she shared she went to the next neighborhood over to participate in collective anger. I remember feeling so proud.
“Don’t get arrested,” I teased.
She was participating in collective anger this past weekend too and I wish I could feel as proud. They opened a shelter near her co-op and she was going to protest it. She informed me that a former whistle blower cop who supported the family of Manny Mayi - a young Dominican man chased and beaten to death by a racist gang of young men - some who become cops - that whistle blower former cop was going lead the rally against a shelter.
I think my mom thought that would make it ok for me.
My mom as she approaches 80 - my mom who survived 2 attacks on the World Trade Center, my mom who would take the subway at 5 am in the 80s - feels scared and fragile. The news tells her to worry about being punched in the face and pushed onto tracks. So suddenly everyone around becomes suspect and scary.
“I can’t scream,” she reminds me of her paralyzed vocal chord - that one that always make her sound like she has a cold - or thats what people tell me. To me that’s just mommy’s voice.
She knows that part of my job is helping houseless people - find work, find shelter, not get caught up with the cops. If she were anybody else - I would be counterprotesting her protest.
I ask if she has seen any changes in the neighborhood since the shelter opened. She names every suspicious looking person she saw last week. All 4 of them.
I want her to feel safe. I want everyone to actually be safe.
I don’t have a backyard but if I did it would be the parking lot across the street. Yesterday when I went to the market there was a small group of people shooting up drugs. I’m not going to tell my mother.
That took a turn! I’m still proud of your mom though for at least getting out there even if I don’t agree with it whatsoever