The Last 30 Days

The Final Act of Sabbatical

The song , The Final Countdown, occupies another core memory so I want to think of another song to mark the approach of the end of my 90 day sabbatical. I have 30 days left before I resume my “normal” life but the point of the time away was for me to rest and to remember, who/what I am apart from my job title and the stress and trauma - direct and indirect - that the job title I chose brings with it. The point is for me to NOT resume all the bad habits that got me to this place of absolute exhaustion and fatigue that made it physically hurt to have to make one more decision.

I had grand plans for my first sabbatical and some of those plans panned out, many did not but there were and probably will continue to be unexpected learning that I am excited to figure out how to integrate and protect because the anxiety , that heaviness in my chest, between my breast and my heart, it’s in wait.

Today I dared to peek a month ahead and wonder what is happening with one campaign and then another. What meetings will I attend that first week back if any? Maybe I shouldn’t do any meetings my first week and just transition back in slowly.

I’m trying to recall what it was like when I first started this gig. I cried almost every day for the first year and a year ago, I did so much crying because of wildfires and kidnappings. I don’t want to return to crying. I’m excited and also nervous to figure out how or maybe the opposite is true…maybe I need to cry more and be more open about it?

For these last 30 days, I’m going to write more, here and in other places and spaces. Fuck around with what would it be like to be on social media as an individual not in my “title”. For these last 30 days, I’m going to do my new found morning routine and imagine how it can blend into my Los Angeles life. I still haven’t completely figured out my evening routine but hey I have 30 nights to figure that out. I’m getting closer though.

Mas Mañana…